4

i rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

4:38am.

we were supposed to wake up in a half hour.
the hotel room smelt of old perfume and moss. it reminded me of my childhood.

Ana slept next to me, her breaths whisping through the quiet air. Her sister sprawled out on the couch, hugging a pillow tightly. and i sat with my pj's rolled up to my knees, and stared out into the night.
the lights reached all over the city; the sky bleeding.

its thursday. tonight i will not be going home with Ana. I will not be watching a movie with her at 5am. I will not be watching her kiss the boy she loves. I wont ever see her until December 4th.

I'll be living in my best friends home without my best friend, without the one person who understands everything about me. Without any judgement and without any mockery.

I twisted my hair into knots, and cried. I cried for my lonely life, i cried for my best friend, i cried for my own mother, and i cried for my dead father. I cried for my own family that left me on the streets with $500 to my name, and i cried for the family that had nothing but kindness in their hearts.

I decided i wasnt going to sleep tonight.
Instead i read verses from the bible, tucked neatly in the hotels dresser, and watched the sky turnover.